Failure

I haven't been updating because I'm consumed by guilt. I did not stick to the Whole30. Once again, it shows that cheats are not helpful. I'm addicted to sugar. I need to quit cold turkey.

Having said that, I ate all but 4 cookies from a box of Thin Mints today. That's, like, 40 cookies.

The worse I feel, the more junk I eat, and the worse I feel. I feel absolutely gross. And sad. And disappointed.

I need to pick a new start date. I need this detox.

WholeTuesday

[END BLOG]


Just kidding. I've totally blown the Whole30, but I'm a believer. I want to tell you what I'm eating and how I'm feeling (warts and all), to prove to myself that even with the occasional indulgence, I can be a healthier person, with healthy routines. So...

• Breakfast: Two over-medium fried eggs atop 1 cup spinach and raw baby carrots. Coffee, black.
• Lunch: ...........................SPINACH SALAD! with chicken apple sausage and Granny Smith apple chunks.
• Dinner: TBD will edit tonight
• Snacks: Almonds. 1/2 of that Drifters bar I wrote about the other day. 1 oz of champagne.

Notes:

Windy last night and this morning. I blame the beer.

Still bloated.

The Drifters bar tasted, um, not as delicious as I remembered. I'm sad. Edit: and nauseated about 10 minutes after eating. Argh.

WholeMonday

• Breakfast: 2 over-medium fried eggs over pot roast veggies, sprinkled with pistachios. THIS SOUNDS DISGUSTING (and didn't look much better), but it was delicious. I devoured it. Coffee with coconut milk.
• Lunch: Spinach salaaaaaaaaaaaad with pot roast meat and veggies. A medium Macintosh apple.
• Dinner: TBD I'll edit this tonight. Leftover pot roast and veggies. (Surprised?)
• Snacks: FAIL: almonds. 1 hazelnut Lindt truffle. 1 beer. A handful of pretzels and onion dip.

Notes:

Head aches.

A student brought me a favorite sweet (Nestle Drifters - a British candy bar). It's tacked to my bulletin board. When can I eat it?

I'm feeling pretty low about my poor choices last night, but I'll give myself a break. I'm going to not so much "start again" tomorrow, but I'm going to celebrate my good choices from today and make more good choices tomorrow.

Whole30 Two: Days.... Oh shoot.

Saturday:

• Breakfast: Omelet with chicken apple sausage. Spinach. Coffee with coconut milk.
• Lunch: Nothing? Almonds?
• Dinner: Whole30 Two *KAbOOM* I went to our minister's anniversary party at church. Knowing there were going to be delicious things to eat, I texted Stacy and begged for her permission to stray. Fortunately, she was hoping to do the same - Just for the evening. I enjoyed a lot of non-compliant things, including cheese cubes, stuffed mushrooms, white wine (thanks, MIL!), mini vegetable spring rolls, chicken satay, chocolate brownies (yes plural), etc. On my way home, I stopped at the grocery store (11 pm shopping - what what), and I loaded up on good (read "healthy") food.............................. and a package of Swiss Cakes which I ate in the car.

Sunday:

• Breakfast: Omelet with broccoli, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Fresh fruit cup. Coffee, black.
• Lunch: I never remember these weekend lunches!
• Dinner: Compliant pot roast with sweet potatoes, onions, parsnips, and carrots. Sweet potato chips. (*small explosions* for non-compliancy) Two spoonfuls of chocolate coconut milk "ice cream." OMG.

Notes:

Well. Obviously.

If this was my first Whole30, I'd start again, but I deliberately chose bad things fully knowing I would recommit on Monday. I would NOT recommend that for first-timers. I'll start eating Whole30 again on Monday, but readers should note that this is no longer a Whole30. There are no cheats on a real Whole30, for good reason.

I bloated up like a beached dead fish in the summer.

Whole30 Two: Day 11

• Breakfast: Repeat of yesterday's breakfast
• Lunch: Spinach salad (surprised?) with chicken apple sausage and carrots. A giant Macintosh apple.
• Dinner: Huge sweet potato with ghee and S&P. I forget the rest. 2 fried eggs? I remember enjoying it. Tim had french toast. Lo... God, did I even feed her? Of course I did, but I don't remember what it was.

Notes:

I feel rested. And kind of happy. 

I've been writing in my notebook. Journally things. Lists. Craft ideas.

My skin's clearing up. The bump is no bigger than a pinhead now.

There's a free app called "The Gratitude Habit," and it's a nice little intro to a simple practice of gratitude. For a few nights in a row, now, I've been taking a moment to inventory at least three "What went well" things from my day. It's been really nice. What a good way to close the day. I love how Whole30 has a little bit of static electricity to it. Other commitments cling to it and before you know it, you're really on track to a more wholly wholesome life. That's not to say that I don't have a diary full of "5 good things" lists already, but making it a daily intention, with emphasis on making the "what went well" come alive in your imagination to really imprint it upon your mind has added something nice.